‘Ello, ‘Ello, ‘Ello, I’ve come to raid your newspaper/radio station/TV station on the instruction of my superior officer, PrimeMinister Key. So hand over the document or recording, according to whichever is in your possession.’
What document or recording are you referring to, officer?
‘Now don’t play the smart-arse with me, sonny. You know very well it’s the recording illegally and criminally made of Prime Minister Key having an entirely private chat with the former Minister of Police during an entirely private meeting in an off-the-beaten-track Auckland eatery. Oh, and the transcript thereof.’ ‘You mean the recording made when a cameraman accidentally left his microphone on the table, and couldn’t go back in to retrieve it, because your people wouldn’t let him back in.’ ‘No comment. Just hand over the recording or document before I slap the cuffs on and escort you back to the station.’ ‘No, I won’t. And I’m still waiting for you to tell me what I’m charged with and to read me my rights.’
‘Harbouring an illegally and criminally obtained, subversive recording or transcript thereof, likely to destabilise the government.’ ‘But Prime Minister Key has said there’s nothing of consequence on the recording/document. He called it “bland”.’ ‘We’ll have none of your clever-clever, smarty-pants media debating tricks here, mate. If Prime Minister Key says you’ve broken the law, then you’ve broken the law. And if you haven’t, he’ll change it.’ ‘Really? I thought we lived in a democracy.’
‘That’s a good one!’
‘Anyway I’m not going to hand over the document or recording.’ ‘In that case I shall a) charge you with obstructing a police officer in the fulfilment of his duty and b) ransack your newspaper/radio station/TV station until I discover the seditious material which you are concealing.’